Hi everyone, I wanted to share something that has been bothering me for a bit, it’s about to get real and personal so stay with it and I hope you enjoy. I am a very organized person, I guess you could say type A, I like to have a plan and know how everything is going to turn out. Yes I’m about to quote gossip girl, but I actually think it’s a great explination, Nate asked Blair why she always rewatched the same movies and her answer, “I like knowing how things are gong to turn out”. I do tend too rewatch movies and tv shows because I like to know how they turn out, but in a grander sense I like routines and doing things I already know and feel comfortable with. Not to say I don’t enjoy an adventure but even that I usually plan ahead.
With all that said, I’ve had a series of things that have challenged me in that sense over the past month. In terms of YouTube/Blog, I had already planned out a bunch of posts, even filmed and edited most of them but I haven’t been able to upload videos with the wifi in my apt. Usually I go to Starbucks but with Ontario in full lockdown I haven’t been able to go anywhere to do that. I am a people pleaser, and when I promise something, I want to follow through, like promising a video on a certain day, people are relying on you to post that day. With my wifi issues this made it impossible to keep this promise and I felt really bad about it. I am trying to remind myself that things happen beyond our control and obsessing over it won’t make it better. One of my friends told me in first year when we had just finished a final exam, I kept going over the questions and trying to figure out what I did wrong, then he told me “It’s in the past you can’t change it now, so instead of obessing over it, try to forget about it and move on” (easier said than done though). I absolutley LOVE creating content but sometimes it stresses me out trying to stick to a schedule because it’s very difficult to be my most creative self on a deadline and I want what I put out to be worth it, have meaning and be a good represenation of my work not jsut something that I am doing just for the sake of posting (I’m actually taking a class on Creativity and Innovation this semster, I will talk about this in a later post). On the plus side, I am getting new inernet put in next week so let’s all cross our fingers that it will be better!!
School started about 2 weeks ago, and I have 6 classes, woking on my undergrad thesis, TAing a class, working on my site, youtube, Rotaract and another project I haven’t yet announced. It’s been super busy. I have learned to say no to things and have done so in order to prioritize what really maters to me. With everything I have to do, I time block most of my day. While this is the best option for me, I can sometimes feel down or upset with myself when I don’t accomplish what I’ve set out to do. For about a week there were so many things up in the air regarding some classes that would affect my graduation and, being the planner I am, stressed me out so much (though everything is working out so far!). I’m trying to listen to my body more, when I need to rest or go to bed early then I should do that. If I need a break from my desk or computer I’ve been going for a walk. If I have a chill day, that’s okay because REST IS PRODUCTIVE! Especially in the winter with SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and lockdown, you don’t need to be “productive” every minute of every day. Just do your best 🙂
My whole point to this post, the take home message if you will, is that yes it’s good to have a plan BUT your plan is not everything, enjoy the spontaneous moments in life, and when life doesn’t go as planned, yell plot twist and get on with it. I am definitely working on not beating myself up about it, however it’s not an over night fix, but rather a journey that requires time and patience.
I hope you have found some value in this, and just know you’re not alone. Please speak to a professional or seek professional help if you are experiencing difficulties with your mental health ❤